How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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