So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
