Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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