I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
