I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
