I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he thought i was a dude.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
