turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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