She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
