Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
