I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
