I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
