Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
