I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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