At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
