Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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