Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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