Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
two words...techno handjob
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
