wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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