glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
