we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
