i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
