Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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