Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
