I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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