we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im holly from the hills drunk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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