you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
