I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
