I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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