Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
