things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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