i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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