I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
