He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
