So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
