How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
