New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
