i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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