Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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