lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we're making bets on your personal life
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
