Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
