AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
