At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
