Christians are straight up FREAKS
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
