so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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