Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
