That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
