Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
