Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
