Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
