I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
