When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
