i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
